Plato’s Lost Dialogue with Jesse Jackson Jr

The Lost Dialogues from Euthyphro 18b

Socrates & Jesse Jackson

JESSE JACKSON JR: (addressing a crowd near king Archon’s court) We live in a society that is unjust. Unemployment is an injustice that needs to be righted. Unemployment can be solved by the rights, which we are guaranteed in the Constitution. What I mean is those rights are missing from the Constitution. The rights that are missing are the right to a home, the right to medical care, and the right to a decent education. If these rights were added to the Constitution, unemployment as we know it would disappear. The injustice of joblessness would go away. Are there any questions?

SOCRATES: (stepping up to the microphone) I am on my way to be tried for the crime of corrupting the youth. My followers say that my trial is unjust. My accusers claim that my trial is just. Since you speak a lot about justice, could I ask you to define it for me?

JESSE JACKSON JR: That is a very good question. Justice is helping the poor and oppressed in society.

SOCRATES: Helping the poor and oppressed does seem to be good; however, that is an example. I asked for a definition. I’d like to know the essence of justice.

JESSE JACKSON JR: (caught a little off guard) When someone is poor or suffering, you give them something. That something is their right. That is the essence of justice. Do you get what I’m saying?

SOCRATES: I really am trying to understand; yet, you gave another example followed by another word that needs a definition. You have neither defined justice, nor the term right. What makes something just or unjust? What makes something a human right? I’d like some answers. After all, the trial to which I am going is for my life.

JESSE JACKSON JR: (a little perturbed) Wealth is a right. When the rich and middle class have built their wealth off of the poor, the uneducated, and people of color, the rich owe them their wealth. When the police and the courts judge someone based on poverty or skin color, it is a denial of justice. To deny the poor that which is rightfully theirs is injustice. To give it is justice. Does that clarify things for you?

SOCRATES: (whilst being given a cup of hemlock by Nancy Pelosi) I’m sorry, but it does not. Again, you have given examples. If the definition involves poverty or skin color (I am after all a dead white European), then why am I being tried for a crime? After all, I am educating youth, something which you claim is a basic human right. For that matter, what makes education a basic human right? What makes home ownership a right? What makes health care a right? Define for me the terms justice and right, and perhaps I’ll understand both what you are saying and why I am being tried.

JESSE JACKSON JR: I’m sorry, but I don’t have the time to address the questions of Racist Teabaggers. Next question please.

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About haroyce

Royce is an aspiring writer of fantasy, history, philosophy, and theology. He earned his BS in History from Cedarville College, and his MDiv from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.
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